The Scenic Route

We’ve never loved the Earth so well

Welcome back Inside Amy's Mind!!! (With a sneak peak of her heart this time)

It has been… way too long. 

The last newsletter posted, A Tribute to Twenty-One, I was turning 22 and wishing for passion and change in my new age.

Gratefully, I’ve been too busy living that out to find time for my own thoughts and the room to write them out.

I’ve been eager to update you guys on my new life, but first I must show you around 

:)

Here, I invite you to come on this wild ride with me through a series of short essays.

Put your seatbelts on Ladies and Gentlemen, we’ll be taking The Scenic Route.

Out of Touch and In Tune

I’ve felt I lost touch, and maybe my voice went with it.

In the spur of a moment toward the end of June I deleted Instagram (and all other socials). Honestly I’m okay with never having them again. 

Once you separate yourself from that virtual world you have time to find your own mind again.

That inner stillness. 

Capability to just be.

Your thumb even becomes more relaxed hehe. 

It's pointless, it really is. Real life is far more vital than a social media scroll.

I had this idea that without the distraction of social media I’d be writing a lot more. I’d find all of the time in the world, and I’d dedicate myself to growing my passion.

It obviously didn’t go that way. My mind went blank from inspiration. 

I realized I had to quiet myself for a second and go through all of my scattered thoughts to sort them out. I’m learning I don't need to be saying anything, if I don't find anything worth saying, and that’s okay. I like being quiet. 

But to my surprise, my confidence still swayed heavily. I had this grand expectation of achieving higher self confidence due to the absence of comparison from the lives I had been introduced to every five minutes. 

I noticed I was feeling down on myself for the first few months, maybe even harsher for some reason.

The observation I have made from this is that I had no distraction from my inner voice or thoughts. All I had to think about was myself and not anybody else's life, opinions, vacations, outfits etc. It led me to a discovery of my very ruthless self-talk. (Which is being addressed accordingly, don't worry :))

I think the lack of confidence may have been enhanced by feeling a bit disconnected. Maybe I’m missing out on a big trend, some secret ways to improve myself, or cool ideas inspired from someone else.

(Also, not getting that dopamine kick from instant validation such as likes, comments, follows)

One of my only concerns with deleting the app was the fear of disconnectedness. As someone who struggled immensely with FOMO in my younger days, this was a big step. In this day and age, there is some kind of relief in knowing others are out there that you relate to. Or for some comedic relief, especially when we are still kind of in an isolated lifestyle. 

It’s weird when your friends seem to practically be speaking another language that you don’t understand. They see a whole other world that you’re not in. Tiktok has created such a barrier between real life and media life. There are so many inside jokes I will never understand. 

(Today while grocery shopping with Tucker, we bought ingredients for chicken pot pie. The cashier checking us out goes, “what are you guys making?” 

I say, “chicken pot pie”.

She asks “Oh is that a tik tok idea or something?”)

It’s weird that making a meal is suddenly a Tik Tok idea. 

I had time to really sit with myself and find my own way of moving.

I have always been highly independent and have obtained my own way of thinking and being, but once you disconnect, you have time to ask yourself questions and sit with the answers. It can be scary learning who you really are, instead of the perceived version you’ve created in order to fit in. 

What do YOU think is important? What do YOU think about the times right now? How do YOU feel? Or do you not even care? 

I found myself not caring about a lot of the things that I used to find myself caring about. 

And maybe this all ties into my lack of writing lately. Maybe I’m still recovering from overstimulation and high dopamine levels and my mind feels blanker than ever.

I’m sitting back and asking myself these questions, to get back in touch with my own self. My true self. 

But here I am now. 

I may be out of touch, but I’m feeling more in tune than ever.

(Ask yourself sometimes “real life or fake life?” And please choose real life and set your phone down!!!!)

A grasp of Certainity

There are a few feelings I have been reaching for since conception, quite literally. Some of them I struggle finding the words for, as others come so plainly out of my mouth even if I lack full grasp of the concept. 

Certainty is at the top of the mountain.

In life I have always found myself doubtful of my intuition. When at a fork in the road, there is always prolonged hesitation and consistent weighing of options. 

Left or right, up or down. 

I’m never sure which way is the one chosen until my very feet tell me.

This time… not much thinking transpired.

I’m buying a ticket to see my Washington boy, Tucker :)

I had a few obstacles to overcome. Surface level obstacles like telling work I needed more time off, and it just so happens I was in the midst of changing jobs (which did not make things any easier). And telling my family that I’m flying across the country to stay and camp with my boyfriend they’ve never met (I have a pretty strict and opinionated family). 

I may have been anxious proceeding with these few steps but in my heart I knew I was making the right decision.

I decided to trust my intuition.

I also knew it didn’t matter what the outcome was of those moments. I was getting on that flight no matter what.

BUT the flight was not easy. 

We were delayed for 5 hours due to the AC not working, which “would’ve been fine but to go to Seattle specifically, without correct air pressure… we would blow up”. 

*eye roll*

Once we were finally boarded and settled, we drove around the tarmac for two hours. Two. Whole. Hours. and a screaming baby directly behind me. And let's not forget, now that the AC was working… It was reeaaally working. I was freezing cold and couldn't feel my hands. (Iron deficiency is not an easy battle folks).

Hell.

I look for signs in everything. If this was any other day I’d be freaking out, telling myself “this isn’t meant to be, it shouldn't be so hard”. 

But again, I just knew. I turned off my brain, listened to my gut and knew “It’s okay I’m getting to Washington”

And I did.

Buying a ticket to Washington was the beginning of a decision I didn’t stumble upon  making, and I am so grateful for the outcome. (BIG outcome, you’ll get more updates next blog).

I get to baggage claim D and see my favorite person beaming with joy. With a rose in hand rushing over for the most lively hug one could never know he needs. Love. 

I walked over to love and into a strong sense of certainty.

The Scenic Route

As we set our eyes on the 101 with the bluest of lakes to my immediate right, going fast on a two way long ass road, I had to set my tone (and rap cannot do that, sorry Tuck. Doja cannot bring me my vision board daydreams). 

Let’s fast forward the playlist to California by Berhana. I’m playing it right now as I write this to get me back in the nostalgic warm breeze of love entering the scenic desire I’ve encapsulated in my heart to hold one day, through my hopeless romantic lusts. I let Tucker have aux the whole drive so far. 

We had to stop at the ranger station for maps and tide charts. Our goofiness kicked in and realivened us after three hours of straight driving. This is where a lot of our inside jokes begin to stir around, opening my heart even further for him. 

There we saw the “Bear can return” sign which led to big laughs from the both of us. I’m afraid this silly pun still sees light within our reminisces, still keeping us laughing. If you get it, then you get it. It CAN return and it will!! 

I vocalized my sudden hunger, anticipating a soon hanger to come on full threshold sooner than later. We found the cutest little Country Market. It was the type of market you only find while visiting your grandparents or something, where you have that sudden and weird strong urge (hehe- another inside joke don't mind me) to retire in that town just to become a local to this supermarket and buy an apple everyday from your other old retired grandmas who are the cashiers. (I’m dramatic ok, it was the loveliest market you guys get it).

He got a Tuna Salad sandwich with a “protein puck”.  I got a chicken salad sandwich with a pickle (best pickle I ever effing tasted btw) and we both got one peach. 

With our lunches, we set off again towards the scenic route. 

With a beautiful, huge blue lake to the right of me, blasting my song and eating a peach alongside Tucker, I felt pure bliss. My eyes have never set sight on a scene so vivacious and splendid and my heart never so warm and ensconced. 

I don't take my eyes off the view. For as long as the lake lasts my head is fully facing out the window.

After a while further into the middle of nowhere, we stopped at this news board warning us of losing service and other things. 

Tucker got out to read it, as I had the sudden (strong urge) to get out too. I saw an abundance of these purple flowers lining the roads among the entirety of the drive and I was hoping to reach out for one the whole time. While sitting in the parked car, I saw one in the distance, so naturally I stepped out on foot eager to get it. With the sudden realization that it was further back than I expected I was unable to grasp it. Tucker came over to try but with no luck found. 

I didn't get a flower, but instead something way more precious presented itself.

We found ourselves in one of my favorite, subtle moments of pure romance.

We walked over to the center of this quiet road and shared a passionate kiss. Right there in the middle of the road, where anyone could have driven down, but the moment remained sacred and private to us. Time stopped, no one was going to interrupt, no one else existed.  A moment of exhilaration and affirmation. Giggling like little children, but knowing we were safe in that moment forever. 

What a peachy little (long) scenic drive?

I love love and I love life. 

Love Language

Reading together is intimacy. Reading together is a love language. 

To read with someone, knowingly absorbing the same words, the same story, hidden messages and meanings. Thoughts create such a wired, transformative net of clear understanding how the other's brain works. 

Tucker and I are on our sixth book read together right now and it’s been one of the most delectable areas of our relationship that I cherish. 

With a wide range of storylines and characters, you are given this beautiful means of connection with each other, that is outside of your own life and your own stories. 

You are able to jump into a whole new fantasy world, and with your lover alongside. I feel like Dr. Seuss but…. Oh the places we’ve read! 

We began reading alongside each other on facetime, occasionally having the same free time to read a chapter or two at the same time, but mostly reading ahead a few, and waiting for the other to catch up to debrief. We’ve had the most wholesome and sweet of reading sessions in Central Park a few times. Those memories I know neither of us will forget. 

And this time we read in our camping tent at Cape Alava, briefly. Only one chapter our whole camping trip because we were so preoccupied with being in the real world, while it was in its best form ahead of us. 

One morning we woke up early before our day visit to Seattle, with a big cup of coffee and read on the couch, cozily, sweetly, slowly. 

To read together is pure. 

I love finishing chapters at the same time, having the same thoughts, questions, realizations, but also being able to answer each other’s questions, or bring about a whole new perspective idea.

I love how happy we both are to do it. I think I manifested having a guy who reads. Angels went above and beyond for one to read WITH me, not just next to me. 

What a fulfilling love language to carry and continue growing through each flip of a page. 

We’ve never Loved the Earth so Well

As I’ve said before in an earlier newsletter, I often find myself anticipating the conclusion of a moment, before fully allowing myself to be present and reel it all in.

During our time camping, having no cell service, I can say I was fully there. 

You have to keep yourself busy with nature, and whatever you packed in your backpack, but thankfully I had Tucker. 

All weekend we were finding driftwood (which may I add contain an intense amount of wood bugs that find themselves home, gross) for our fires.  I've become keen on finding kindling, as he calls it. 

Looking for wood on the beach together became a daily chore, as well as our long  walk along the beach, to our fresh water stream where we found our drinking, cooking and cleaning water that we had to filter. 

Times that bring you back down to basic necessities really makes you realize how little we need, how high maintenance the everyday living world has become. 

After our daily chores were complete, we played. Cards are both of our favorite pastimes. I taught him how to play spit, and he taught me Speed, Dice and Cribbage. 

Our inner childs flourished with energy and soaring playfulness, coming to a climax the evening of our last full day.

On our way to the water source, we spontaneously decided to race. I’m a fast runner, and hard competitor, but unfortunately I stood no chance. I tend to laugh and laugh and laugh when I run, I think it’s so funny. 

Out of breath, I sat in the sand, leaning my head on his chest and filtering sand through my fingers. Tears filled my eyes, as I took in the view, in the moment, in a breath. 

“We’ve never loved the Earth so well” I said (a quote from Little Women that is dear to my heart). I felt emotional, never wanting this moment to leave me, but understanding it will, and we still have to get water. 

Later that evening we sat by our fire, on the ground in each other's arms.

In complete silence (besides crackling). 

Nothing but darkness, us and the firelight. 

It was just us and the Earth.

(The next night we stargazed on the beach. It was like a movie. You could see every single star in the galaxy it felt like, and we saw a few shooting stars, pointing at them exasperated each time. We layer there until the clouds covered the very last one)

Earth has never loved us so well.

Skipping Rocks

An important part of my time with Washington and Tucker was his innate ability (and need) to skip a rock whenever possible. 

I loved watching and partaking. He gave me the rundown of his techniques and the technicality of it all. I listened and watched intently, whilst skipping my first ever rock, in my whole 22 years of life!!

There were moments I just watched him do his thing. He takes it very seriously and I find the simplicity of the hobby, completely endearing and cute.

I was sleepy one afternoon camping so he set me up the hammock, for a little alone time and a nap (that I barely took). I glanced over the side after a few minutes to see him down by the water, doing his thing. So sweet. 

Another time we were on the beach together. I got tired of failing my skips but my body was in need of a good stretch. I found a nice place for myself, and did a deep stretch on the sand as he was in the distance skipping his little rocks. 

Whoever thought a good rock skip would be a turn on? Not me. 

Lemonade Lover

A hot day in the City Centre of Seattle, and 2 opposing lemonade stands. 

The battle of the lemonades. 

Tucker and I had this idea to try a lemonade everywhere we can, along our journey of being together and travelling whilst keeping a mental note of the highest rankings. Just for fun. 

This began during our “first date” at a hole in the wall Mexican restaurant in New York City. That lemonade was just water with lemon juice squirted in, and somehow Tucker still ordered a second one.

In Seattle we were in line for one lemonade, as we spotted another across the way advertising Strawberry lemonade, and strawberry is my ultimate favorite fruit.

We decided he’d buy the first one, I’d buy this one and we’d share the two for a fair comparison of the leading lemonade. His was sour, but tasty and refreshing. Mine was made with fresh strawberries. The one downside was the small strawberry chunks. I shouldn't be drinking chunks *another eye roll*.  

We carried them, switching from time to time. 

Hand in hand, and each a lemonade in the other. 

When life gives you lemonade, make love. Haha. How poetic and symbolic. 

Apples, peaches and bananas?

This trip we learned Tuckers the apple, I’m the peach. 

He’s the cherries, I’m the strawberries. 

To eat fruit together is an intimate enjoyment. It’s in our very human nature to do. 

I’m not an apple gal but Tucker packed us each an apple and we ate them at the top of Summit Lake. 

Sitting next side each other, on the edge of this cliff, enjoying the view, the company, and the apple. 

I took a moment to appreciate the natural beauty surrounding me all in this moment.

All of my senses being overwhelmed with such pure entities. An incredible view, my lover to the right of me, an apple in my hand, and the sun shining so bright. 

I said “you know… this is the coolest place I ever ate an apple”. 

And as Tucker finished his he said “...I attacked this banana!” To where I said “apple. It’s an apple.” With a cue of sweet laughter following. 

It’s all the same thing, right?

Welcome Home

We started out the first morning rolling in his grass, laying there for hours and doing a grounding meditation. 

We ended the trip at the beach, feeling like best friends.

On our stomachs about to read together he turns to me, squinting from the bright sun overhead and says “Welcome home” as he sees me glance over my shoulder to take in the last moment of my Washington view. 

(Present me typing this, starting now:)

*Two months later*

Washington is my new home. I followed my intuition again and it’s led me down the path of love. 

When you open your heart up to love, you are granted the same thing in return. Sometimes you have to tune out all of the noise and follow your gut.

I bought a ticket for September 20th, told my friends and family two weeks before, sold all of my furniture along with my car, and left. 

A lot of change has transpired in this short amount since last writing and I am looking forward on catching you guys up with the happenings of my life. I am striving to relish in this newfound peace and happiness I’ve adapted since moving, allowing life to take me by the hand. But I do feel ready to use my own hands in writing again.

You can un-fasten your seatbelts Ladies and Gentlemen… we are home.

(Passion and change. Check that off the list.)