This past week for me has been… heavy.
I’ve been so caught up in my own mind. Raveling in anxiety and cocooning in depression only leading to further frustration and guilt for the sheer fact of letting myself “sit in it”.
You know, I thought I almost had it figured out. The idea to let your thoughts pass, to not listen, to not let them effect me but this week, I succumbed to the natural feeling of self-loath.
I was, and still kind of am… desperate to fight out of it.
I remembered this one morning my freshman year of high school. It was freezing outside, sun still down and it was 6 am (not a morning person) which probably added to my crankiness levels - or it was pure teenage angst but I was quote on quote being a total “brat face” to my mom.
She gave me a pencil and told me to put it in between my teeth until I felt better.
After rolling my eyes so hard they almost fell out, I obliged.
By the time I got on the bus, I was genuinely laughing with her and blasting music.
Apparently if you force yourself to smile, your mood will instantly improve.
I’m not sure the science behind it, maybe it activates certain muscles or nerves or whatever, or maybe you’ll just start laughing because you feel funny and forget why you were mad in the first place.
So I smiled.
I realized how precious a small smile can be.
Now I smile at myself in the mirror.
I smile at rude employees.
I even find myself smiling to the people next to me at a red light. Especially if they visibly look stressed, mad, flustered. In hopes to remind them that there are good people and moments everywhere to be cherished.
But I found everyone here, smiles just to smile. And barely at that.
The famous American “polite” smile, which I find to be extremely sad. Nobody really means it. There’s no value behind it, no meaning, no warmth, and not even any teeth.
As soon as you leave their sight and the interaction is over, the smile dies instantly. It’s gone. It was fake. Empty.
In Italy, when they smile it lights up the room. You can tell they mean it, that they’re sending warmth with it, and they even show teeth!!! It’s not just a polite gesture, but an action of love and acceptance.
In Germany, they just don’t. I’d rather no smiles, than fake ones though. It doesn’t mean they’re rude or unwelcoming, it just means there was no reason to smile at you. Simple. Easy. Truthful. Real.
In the South, they smile almost too much. It’s almost irritating how “happy” they are, how openly fake their hospitality must be sometimes. It should be quality over quantity, right?
You can’t fake a smile because it’s obvious, but you can feel one. That’s for sure.
With that being said, I’m not advising you to smile more, but just to smile like you mean it. And one day, you will.
But for now, maybe put a pencil in between your teeth :)