The day was perfect. My room finally was cool enough to gift me delightful sleep last night. I allowed myself a late morning, to cherish and prolong this long-lost quality rest. A face time to my sister rang promptly as I prepared my toothbrush and vitamin C. Because of our seven hour time difference, I can only catch her during my mornings. We debrief, we gossip, we complain and we coo over her babies. The call ends just as I am ready to go to the grocery store. Beep boop pop, grocery trip happens. Last month, with a referral code I was given credits on ClassPass.As a little self-care treat to myself, I booked a massage with them. One hour of heaven and relaxation as my entire body twitched and twirled in response to all of my tight muscle knots. Why are my shins so sore? Literally, all of the cells and nerves in my body screamed thank you. A massage is true self-care. I took a short nap afterwards, dazed and warm. Traffic was low and the desire to continue this self love train went onwards to a 5pm yoga class. A beautiful flow, hot room, serene scenery. I felt strong and whimsical. After my much needed shower, I oiled my entire body and played Jazz music over the kitchen speaker. Home alone and the lights are dim. Sun is setting, views are viewing. A most beautifully cooked meal by muah in the most calm, grounded of moments. Sometimes you cant quite put your finger on it, but life feels really good. No reason why and no clear explanation. An ambiguous experience such as this, leaves one feeling a sense of ease, acceptance and gratitude.
Word of the week: Ambiguous -the quality of being open to more than one interpretation; inexactness.
Questionable if you will.
In California, weather is ambiguous. As I wait at the red light, watching pedestrians lazily stroll past I see two teenagers wearing heavy sweatpants and hoodies. My gaze turns right, and there is a family on their way to the beach, tops missing, sun hats sitting. I have ingredients for chicken soup stocked in my fridge right now. The sight of the first breeze and taste of the first PSL of the season. Here I am, shivering like it’s fall, in 86 degree weather.
I’m at the age where age is ambiguous. Are you 24 or 31? Am I 24 or 31? My whole life I was under the impression that I looked younger for my age. All of a sudden people are guessing my age correctly. It is entirely rude. How old is too old to date, do I need life insurance, when will I have my shit together and how do you use a CrockPot?
Laughing is Universal, language is ambiguous. I’ve made friends with my downstairs neighbor Angel. He is 25 and from Mexico. He was telling me how he moved here just 4 months ago, loves it and has made so many friends. He loves grilling, drinking, music, dancing and the beach. Everytime I see him he’s in such high spirits and saying the funniest things. I invited him out with my friend the other night but he told me he lost his ID. I said “Oooh okay, Hasta Luego mi Amigo!” *He speaks entirely Spanish. Neither of us can understand the other, but we both pretend like we got it*
Its 4am as I type this. My alarm will be ringing in three hours. I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately, although I feel less frustrated about it than I should probably be. I dont know if its because of the upcoming New Moon, my room is too warm, or if melatonin simply has the opposite effect on me now. Ambiguous.
This has been the most confident I’ve felt in myself I think in my entire life. Who was going to tell me how cool, pretty, funny, understanding, likeable and kind-hearted I am? I have truly been riding on such a high of self-love. Are these new traits? Or is my frontal lobe just near done developing?
Everyone in LA has been extremely sweet and open armed towards me. I’ve made more friends here in 1 month than I have in Seattle in 1 year. Is this a locational benefit? Is everyone happier from excess amounts of Vitamin D? Or are they all nice to me, because I’m nice to them? Am I, again, just riding on a magnetic vibrational high?
I’ve been dancing. If you know me, you know how unimportant music is to me. I’ve never had a favorite artist or genre. I haven’t made a playlist in atleeeaassttt 5 years *don’t fact check me* and honestly, I much prefer sitting in silence. But I’ve been putting on music and …. enjoying it!!! I don’t know if it’s because Sabrina Carpenter’s album is a godsent gift at this time of life or if it’s because it get’s real lonely in an empty yoga studio for extended amounts of time. Is dancing at your counter while cookng an act of self-love and happiness.. or is that maturing?Either way, you guys were onto something! Music is actually a good time. It gets to live another day.
Any gas station at night in a major city is a highly concering place to be. I pulled into a 7/11 after work tonight. For a second, I felt a slight sense of ease as I peered inside and saw a cop! Oh yay! Survelliance, safety, and protection from all of the tweakers! As a woman, if you’re not smiling you get the overplayed “you should smile more”. Or if you’re like me and always smiling (or giggling at the absurdity), you get the “Wow! You’re so beautiful! Tell me, what are you smiling at?” From creepy 60 year old men, who also seem to be wearing a fake Cop uniform and might be a tweaker themselves. I should’ve known! He followed me out to my car, saying he wants to get to know me and we could be friends. What are these people thinking? A sane mind will never know.
My alarm will be ringing in 2 hours now. Should I go for an early morning run over my favorote bridge? Or try to go back to sleep, wake up later than I should and feel slighted for the rest of the day? The world is in my oysters! The endless are optioning.
And I think I am feeling a bit… ambiguous.
To say the least or to say nothing at all. Everything is in my favor and the life rock we life on is life-rocking.
Am I really happy with life right now, or is this bipolar disorder?
Just kidding, not serious.
I should probably leave you to your own devioces now before I get too weird with it at this strange hour.
Good night and good morning my friends. Choose to dance, pretend to understand other languages, stay away from cops and love yourself!
Because I love you.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
(no, I did not proofread this and yes, i’m sure i did use ambiguous wrong in many many many ways. But that’s the beauty! Ambiguous is ambiguous!)
Love this and love you. And btw you're never too old to date or dance. xoxo